nilkynarfy
Bio: I write reviews that say more about me than the films I watch. That's okay, I think.
Featured Reviews
Check out nilkynarfy's...
| 75 68% |  |
Dr. No (1962) - Rated 20 Mar 2007
"Not exactly known for their political correctness, Dr. No makes the rest of the Bond films look like 30 Rock. Popeyed black sidekick? Check. Dumb blonde damsel that keeps fucking up the program? Check. Yellow menace? Check. Bond sleeps or tries to sleep with every woman that crosses his path? Yes, except for the black one ('Freelance'), even though she's gorgeous. It is pretty stylish, visionary and usually interesting even though it's not exactly enlightened and gets sleepy here and there."
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| 50 34% |  |
Con Air (1997) - Rated 20 Mar 2007
"You know, it's not good, but it is Con Air and you should own a copy just because it's good to have Con Air around. Mostly to do yard work, because that's all it's qualified for."
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| 95 96% |  |
Akira (1988) - Rated 20 Mar 2007
"The space where ultra-violence and transhumanism meet. If you're not up your own ass enough to be intrigued by that concept, no amount of beautiful cel animation will keep you interested. I, however, happen to like the smell of my own farts."
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| 90 92% |  |
South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut (1999) - Rated 20 Mar 2007
"I have almost no enthusiasm for the show, but I want to take this movie to the prom and awkwardly try to grope it. Then when it asks what I'm doing, I'll get nervous and make up a lame excuse. A very short time later, I'll drop it off at home without so much as a goodbye. I'll finish my special night weeping alone in my geo metro while drinking strawberry MD 20/20 and listening to Morrissey's Vauxhall and I (on cassette, of course)."
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| 90 92% |  |
Big Fan (2009) - Rated 31 Aug 2010
"Patton Oswalt, a man famous for being witty, smart and confident, knocks it out of the park playing a man who isn't any of those things. Story reminded me of a leaner, darker King of Comedy, which I also loved, but this one is actually better somehow. I'm also a sucker for dirty, angry New York movies, they seem more relatable to me."
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| 60 48% |  |
Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985) - Rated 20 Mar 2007
"The presumably higher budget allows it to delve further into Max's world than the previous film, but it's not as exciting, and the bonus bucks just meant they didn't have to be inventive anymore. It was good for a regular movie, but it lacks eau de max. Imagine if Jarmusch's Down by Law had enough money to build a track for their dolly instead of using an old hatchback, a piece of plywood and the patient but eager legs and backs of production assistants. Would it be Down by Law anymore?"
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| 90 92% |  |
Battleship Potemkin (1925) - Rated 01 Mar 2011
"Stairs scene. Everything everybody starting with Cahiers has said. Yup. It's in the public domain, so getting thrown out of the Republican Convention for watching a non-porn movie is only one Google search away."
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| 80 78% |  |
28 Days Later (2002) - Rated 20 Mar 2007
"They're zombies. You're wrong, Danny Boyle is wrong, George Romero is wrong, Simon Pegg is wrong, Max Brooks has issues because his mother was the impetus for the milf fetish (he's also wrong). The movie's pretty quality, I suppose, but I seriously just heard the "28 Days.. isn't a zombie movie because they're fast" in 20freaking12. The mechanics and the name of the zombie never mattered so long as they look like people, are unintelligent and help cause the breakdown of civilization."
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| 60 48% |  |
Cat's Eye (1985) - Rated 24 Oct 2011
"Cute cat. Fantastic actor, that cat, hope it got a good post-wrap mackerel. The first two stories are better than their sources, thanks to darn good casts and decent scripts. The third story, not an adaptation, lacks those things. There's something compelling about the little goblin character and his adversarial relationship with our feline hero (a low fantasy take on certain peripheral elements of Lovecraft's dream cycle?), but as it stands, it's inspired but half-realized coke talk."
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| 15 10% |  |
Scream Baby Scream (1969) - Rated 28 Mar 2011
"Not quite the worst movie I own on DVD (I can't seem to get rid of my copy of Episode I). Qualitywise, on par with any theatrically released 70's porn film-- minus the sex, of course. It's basically A Bucket of Blood, but without all that pesky "actually a good movie" baggage holding it down."
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