laoch
Featured Reviews
Check out laoch's...
| 65 41% |  |
Killer Bean Forever (2009) - Rated 14 Jun 2019
"Imagine John Wick, but instead of a human being he's a coffee bean. It sounds weird, but in all honesty some of the fight choreography is unironically awesome. And you can watch the movie for free on YouTube."
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| 85 87% |  |
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948) - Rated 01 Sep 2015
"Now I finally understand why Humphery Bogart kept showing up and asking for change in that one Bugs Bunny cartoon."
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| 65 41% |  |
Sherlock Holmes (2009) - Rated 19 Oct 2019
"In this cinematic iteration of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's literary musings, Sherlock Holmes has autism and knows kung fu."
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| 75 63% |  |
Dracula Has Risen from the Grave (1968) - Rated 01 Sep 2015
"The film that definitively proves Christians are the only ones who can kill vampires. Atheists BTFO!"
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| 10 1% |  |
Mother! (2017) - Rated 16 Sep 2017
"We get it, Darren Aronofsky! You read the Bible once. You're very smart and clever. Next time just try to be a little more subtle instead of bashing me over the head with your film school tier symbolism."
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| 1 0% |  |
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019) - Rated 19 Dec 2019
"Remember that scene in Berserk where Griffith rapes Casca right in front of Guts? Just replace Griffith with Disney, Casca with Star Wars, and Guts with me and you'll understand the rage I felt while watching this abortion."
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| 85 87% |  |
Joker (2019) - Rated 06 Oct 2019
"Halfway through my screening of Joker, an incel ran into the theater with an AR-15 aimed at the audience and shouted "Gamers rise up!" But upon seeing Joaquin Phoenix's excellent acting, he lowered his gun, sat down and watched. At the end of the film, he stood up, with tears in his eyes, and apologized to everyone. "I'm sorry," he said. "I guess we really do live in a society after all.""
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