Vampire Hookers

I drank John Carradine's contractually-obligated quota of alcohol and the movie still sucked.

I think I watch too many movies

Relentlessly corny horror comedy starring John Carradine as the patriarch of a pack of sexy female vampires who lure men to their doom in a dusty crypt. Horrible acting, bad one liners, and no gore to speak of. The run time is shamelessly padded out by a nearly 8 minute orgy sequence where one lucky sailor engages in a PG rated romp with three topless vampire vixens. Terrible. They even include a fat vampire for no reason other than to indulge in a whole series of fart jokes.

they also suck penis

"They are vampire hookers, woaah, they are vampire hookers, and blood is not all they suck!" Honestly, this is so poorly made and awful and stupid that I had a really good time watching this. Cracking up at the wooden acting, bad one-liners, and the exaggerated reactions from characters to the random cartoon spring BOJOING sounds in the middle of the soundtrack. Loved the random ending with the ghoul servant guy and his sad fart.

not enough blood, too much racism

The acting is horrible stiff, there is no real tension whatsoever, it has some stupendous lame fart jokes and halfway we're treated to a slomo softcore scene to honor the second part of the title. But it is competently directed, Santiago knows well where to place his camera and how to move it and with it moves fast enough to not bore me to death.

Another shitty movie from 1978, why does this year have such shitty films overall. The only thing worse than the acting is the comedy which doesn't work at all and after every joke and one-liner there is an awkward pause before the next line is spoken.

I knew it was a scorpion when I picked it up.

Not funny, not scary, not good.