The Final Sacrifice

Remember that time you were walking down the road in rural southern Alberta and a guy in a van wearing all denim tells you he has some candy in the back, and despite your best judgement, you decide to hop in, only to be taken deep into a forest of maple trees, where you are repeatedly violated on top of the ruins of an ancient civilization, the smell of cheap beer and day-old poutine washing over you as the weight of stone-washed denim squeezes out any last hope you had for escape? ROWSDOWER!

I wonder if there's beer on the sun.

Rowsdower saves us, and saves all the world!

ROWSDOWER!

While the wholesome charms of the almighty Zap Rowsdower, with his Canadian tuxedo wearing, hockey hair having, beer loving way-of-life, are almost enough to make this delightfully bad Canadian Z-movie watchable, unfortunately most of the movie is a dull mess. However, the combination helped make for a fantastic MST3K episode, which would be the recommended way to meet the gang of Rowsdower, McGreggor, and my personal favorite, the beautifully voiced wide-eyed archaeologist/woodsman Mike Pipper.

One word: Rowsdower. One of the most enjoyably bad films you'll ever see--and the Malcolm McDowell/Ray Davies love child they got to play the villain (Darth Vader voice and all) is a perfectly sinister hoot. The MST3K treatment of this one is a triumph. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention the wild-eyed, shotgun-toting lunatic (never met a former archaeologist that wasn't one!) in that hut toward the end.

This is a terrible movie; but unlike most of the terrible movies that MST3K riffed on, this one actually had heart. I cared about what happened to Troy and Rowsdower, and it actually felt like the cast and crew were trying to do a good job (most of the MST3K movies feel a lot colder). Not something I'd want to watch without the riffing, but as far as awful movies go, this one wasn't so bad.

The idea of a lost golden civilization hidden under a swamp in Medicine Hat, Alberta deserves a better movie than this. Then again, so does any idea.

This movie actually tries to be a real thing. Well fuck you for trying! This is one of the underrated MST3K episodes.

Mom, can we have one more sacrifice, pleeeeease? Fine, but this is The Final Sacrifice!

ZAP ROWSDOWER!

Only a legendary name like Tjardus Greidanus could bring us a legendary name like Rowsdower: the one who shows us the way by making trouble.

Rowsdower.

"Know him? He was delicious!"

There is something truly shittastic about this film. I can't even believe it exists. It is one of the worst films of all time, and yet there was something oddly watchable about the entire thing. The MSTK mocking of this film was hilarious. So many great one-liners.

Rowsdower almost makes this movie worth watching.

Fantastic MST3K, love the sound they make when the kid (tries to) smiles. He looks super creepy when he does that. The movie itself is crap, but what do you expect when a character's called Zap Rowsdower?

Rowsdower!

Rowsdower? Rowsdower!

Oh my God.

My favorite MST3K episode but also a brilliantly terrible movie on its own. My probable score is 0?! Fuck you haters.

Barely a step above back yard film making. Barely. Mostly because it used the natural Canadian backyard as its setting. There's a novel story in here somewhere but lacked the talent of any capacity to tell it. What it fails mostly at is the mood. Bruce J. Mitchell is oddly charismatic as the lonely drifter Rowsdower however. Recommended for z-grade aficionados. [MST3k flys close to Mitchel levels of height but its lack luster skits level it out a bit too low to reach such a pantheon.]

top quality mst3k

MST3k: 90

An endearingly dumb movie.

It's absurd how incompetent this is.

This has some of the worst sound effects of all time. Half the time there isn't one, and at others they are just awkward, or too low. Not a lot really happens in the movie, but it was still slightly interesting. But the plot was way to generic, and the budget was way too low to get any real enjoyment out of it.

Rowsdower! -Am I like him? -No, he was masculine and likeable. Best MST3K ever.

ms3tk: 85

The only thing I liked about this movie was the hermit guy who sounded exactly like Dr. Teeth for some reason. Sometimes even the MST3K doesn't help.

Mst3k score: 9/10

An ancient cult of Canadian wrestlers are the antagonists in this fucking hilarious denim-wrapped mess of a movie. The protagonist is equally laughable, but is infinitely more memorable by merit of absurdity.

Lame. Very lame.

Could I drink him...?...no...