The Beast of Yucca Flats

Flag on the Moon. Who put it there? Progress. Joseph Javorski. Scientist.

The directorial debut of Coleman Francis, the first of his infamous trilogy with actor/producer Anthony Cardoza, but the last of their films to be immortalized by MST3K. Although arguably the worst of the three, the film's bizarre incompetent quirks are almost enough to make the rest of the mind-numbing tediousness worth sitting through. However, unless you just need to see the early 60's Z-movie boobs in the uncut opening, this is something that really should only be watched in its MST3K form.

Coleman Francis sparsely narrates a bunch of footage of people driving, parking, walking around, you get the idea. So little happens that it's surreal - it follows an obscure and indecipherable logic, like dream logic, which makes the entire thing feel otherwordly. And like dreams it too stretches out a short amount of time, and is only meaningful to the person who dreamed it. Who knows what Francis was thinking, and why he decided to share it with us.

a haiku 4 u: Beast of Yucca Flats. Science fiction. Poetic philosophizing. Dramatic silences. Wandering. Russians. Radiation. A nuclear bomb. // Tarkovsky's Stalker. Science fiction. Poetic philosophizing. Dramatic silences. Wandering. Russians. Radiation. A nuclear bomb. Salon magazine called it 'interminably boring'. // Beast of Yucca Flasts is the objectively better version of Stalker. Fite me.

Flag on the moon, how did it get there? It was avoiding this movie.

It's impossible for Tor Johnson to close his mouth.

A movie. Trying to make sense. Failing. A plot. The director searches but can't find it. A narrator speaks and says nothing. This is the beast. The Beast of Yucca Flats.

Five points for the glorious narrator.

I, too, was going to post a review that read 'Flag on the moon, how'd it get there?' But when I think about it, that would imply that this movie was fun, and without the MST3K, I'm quite sure it isn't. The pseudo-beat-poetry in the beginning might make you think something interesting is going to happen, and there are moments not long afterward where the director made some smart choices--but the rest is a series of disappointments, somnolent pacing, and unfunny failure.

not an absolute 0 for one or two good shots and for the bunny.

How many times can the name"Joseph Javorsky" be said in 54 minutes? ... Let's find out.

I really have to stop watching these movies without the MST3K tracks. Although this reaches a level of badness far beyond what MST3K usually covers, which is just generally bad.

Simply put, this has no cinematic value whatsoever. Coleman Francis may be the worst filmmaker of all time.

Like the Incredible Hulk, but without any redeeming qualities. This movie was made before the invention of things we now take for granted, like special effects, cinematography, editing, lights, character development, or plot. The movie is only 53 minutes long, and that's way too long. I had trouble staying awake after five minutes. Cutting out the padding, the movie would probably be around 15 to 20 minutes. There are movies that are so bad, they're good. This is not one of those movies.

Tor Johnson playing a scientist. Coleman Francis once again showing that he doesn't seem to understand what a movie is or why somebody would want to watch one.

Daaamn. I knew it was going to be bad, but ye gods, I WAS NOT PREPARED. Could have been filmed in Manchuria for all we know, we never see anyone talking, ever. It's glorious in its badness. Puts the 'yuck' in 'yucca'. ...Ok, that was horrible, sorry.

The defiance of basic convention in terms of editing, sound mixing, narration, plot, pacing, logic, and dialog is so blatant that I initially considered whether it was artistically intentional. But I soon realized that Coleman Francis was just indescribably, utterly cheap and incompetent.

I'd derisively call this "amateur hour" but it's only 53 minutes.

I recently ran a triple feature of Coleman Francis films, which I dubbed "The Hell Trilogy" (it is of no consequence that no one accepted my invitation). A mercifully short low budget snoozer, where it becomes painfully obvious that Tor Johnson's girth made it difficult for him to walk. Almost no dialogue is spoken directly on camera, with an omnipresent narrator spewing some of the most dismal lines ever written into a script. There are bad movies, and then there is The Beast of Yucca Flats.

I get that the filmmaker was on a super-low budget. It's obvious as the film progresses that no character's mouth is filmed, so the audio can be dubbed later. But it interferes with watching when the characters obviously have no interest at all in what's happening. And the voiceover is insufferable. If this were a high-school first video project, OK. But it's not. Apparently it's debated whether this is worse than Ed Wood's "Plan 9." Yes. Yes, it is.

This was awfully edited, seems nobody involved understood there has to be some kind of relationship between shots to tell a story so they decided to narrate over it to try to make it less incoherent and only partly succeeded in that.

Imagine Ed Wood with avant garde pretensions and you’ll get an idea of Francis’ strange directorial hand at work; too many (accidental?) shots of Levi-cladded arses nearly knocking the camera over to call it a success, but to backhand a compliment, at least he’s trying. This is hideously bad stuff, but it’s good fun if you're susceptible to inept cinema, with Francis’ own repetitive, expository narration the hilarious glue tying it all together (love the duelling wheels of fate and progress!)

Do you like scenes with slow walking, climbing or short plane rides? Well then this is the movie for you. Another bonus if you like beasts that are so easily out run that it is laughable.

This film serves no purpose. Over-dramatized music, unreasonable actions and an artificial voice dubbing span over the pointless script that has no meaning. Numerous vintage American cars are the only thing to watch this movie for.

Not the worst thing I've seen, but it's still really bad, and incredibly tedious to watch. Even the narrator seems to be falling asleep.

Rated too high? Maybe. Manos is much worse than this but it's sad that director Coleman Francis took this seriously. I read somewhere that after hearing his movie made fun of, he attempted suicide. I thought the outer space monster wore more of a diving outfit with deep sea diving mask rather than astronauts gear.Voice over? Couldn't get actors voices synchronized. Movie is an aid in meditation. Mantra to blank one's mind

Beware of this Z-grade schlock that contains the phrase "yuck" in the title.

Unlike fellow auteur Hal Warren who chose to portray the protagonist of his movie with a sympathy that elicits from the audience an affection for a man lead down the wrong path yet with a heart of gold, Francis, with the character of Javorsky, chooses instead to focus on a man, clearly disillusioned with the world around him, and his connection with the natural world over the "progress" created by his fellow man's inhumanity. Whilst they both have valid points, I feel they both fail somewhat.

Wow just.. wow.. Thank God for MST3K. Nothing happens.. just a lot of car-driving scenes and people walking which is.. stupid and meaningless

Mst3k: 8/10

One of no-budget auteur Francis's few excursions into sci-fi/horror, this brain cell-crushing motion picture (and I use the term loosely) makes Ed Wood's movies look like the work of Welles or Fellini -- or both.

Flag on the moon. How'd it get there?

Wow... It's just one of those movies you watch and think to yourself, "I just saw absolute nothingness." Wow... Just... WOW... [MST3k: They transversed the sheer cliffed bottomless pit Coleman dug and made it to the top with some of their pinnacle work here. It was a tough mountain to climb however as there's so much to work with here they let a lot slide but even still this unquestionably is riffing at its peak. However most of the skits are pretty bad and form a bit of a plateau inbetween.]

Don'tchubeplayin' with no coyotes