Red Zone Cuba

Despite my efforts, the last in the Coleman Francis/Anthony Cardoza trilogy was the first of their films in which I only saw the MST3K version. Not because I couldn't stand another heaping helping of uncut Coleman Francis' tedious nonsense, but because I could not for the life of me find a non-MST3K version of the movie. It was like the internet/universe was telling me, you've suffered enough, and for Francis' most ambitious work, you're gonna need some help with this terribly edited nightmare.

A museum piece on incompetence in moviemaking.

The final film in Coleman Francis' surreal trilogy of terror is so burdened by its attempts at plot and action that it becomes an indecipherable load of gibberish. Included are random jump cuts, film errors, characters appearing and disappearing, disjointed sound effects, and an attempt at filming an invasion that needs to be seen to be believed.

20 points for John Carradine's rendition of "Night Train to Mundo Fine."

Go to hell, Coleman.

Just what was the point of this movie? What were they trying to accomplish? What tone did they want for this movie? Things just happen and there's no point to them!

I generally don't rate movies from MST3K unless I've seen the theatrical version, but, my god, was this movie bad; much worse than Manos. It is almost impossible to follow where the characters are, what they are doing and the motivation for their actions. Add an entire cast of of unlikeable characters and terrible acting and it you have one of the worst movies I've ever seen. It would be completely unwatchable without Mike and bots (to their credit, this episode is hilarious).

Does a pirouette from bad, to so-bad-it’s-good and then swings back into the utterly dreadful and mystifying – lumpy, incoherent storytelling would be too kind a way to describe Francis’ ambitious but wrong-headed and pretentious war saga; kudos for taking a big swing and attempting a Bay of Pigs recreation, but this is no SAVING PRIVATE RYAN. Dull and confusing to the point of alienating – am considering a rewatch with the MST3K guys, but not sure I’m a big enough glutton for punishment!

I dunno. Hugo Ball might have had a field day with this, if this didn't also reject the very fundamentals of aesthetics.

I'M CHEROKEE JACK.

better than thomas and the magic railroad for the hilarious and kind of catchy theme song

One of the most unintentionally depressing movies I have ever seen, absolutely nothing in it of value.

Utterly offensive. Nothing redeeming from the film itself except for then hilarity of 6 men pretending to be the entire Bay of Pigs invasion.

This film was so terrible, not even the MST3K boys knew what to say. One of their worst outings, because this film gives them absolutely nothing to go on. ZZZZzzzzzzz....

The ugliest sibling of the horribly unsightly Coleman Francis Hell Trilogy, only edging out Beast of Yucca Flats by virtue of having things like "spoken dialogue" and a running time slightly over 70 punishing minutes. Red Zone Cuba is a frenzy of dull, with no redeeming qualities. It looks ugly, it sounds ugly, and you'll want to take a shower immediately afterwards. Not even Cherokee Jack could save this one.

Mst3k score: 8/10

I'm Cherokee Jack

The movie was a disjointed mess, but the MST3K episode was quite good.

The definition of tedium. Frequently silly score, day instead of night, but mainly...dull dull dull. And then there's Carradine singing (well no, not really) the opening song.

Obviously I'm rating the MST3K episode, which rescues this dire film for laughs. In one of the most stunning inversions in cinema history, the original flick becomes the basis for something very hilarious and compelling, an endlessly rewatchable gag reel. "Runnin' down the road tryin' to loosen' my load, I got Coleman Francis on my mind..."