House of 9

Dennis Hopper's "father-O'malley-lucky-charms" accent is gut-bustingly laughable, Hippolyte Girardot's acting is so terrible it makes you forget how awesome his first name is, and Kelly Brook was (sadly) un-topless the whole movie. BUT, there was more chicken and potatoes in this flick than you'll see anywhere...ever again.

Same plot device as Saw II onwards - which shows what a waste of money they made. How Kelly Brook got top billing alongside Dennis Hopper and ahead of Peter Capaladi I will never know. At least they got around the un-toplessness by giving her a figure hugging top and no lines - just a lot of weeping which she excelled in. Smart Director! Luckily the other British actresses were stirling. Plus some excellent cinematography - made this really worthwhile.

A decent twist on the whole "Big Brother" slant to horror/thrillers that gave us movies like Saw, and it's always good to see Dennis Hopper, but this film drags in parts, and then rushes through others in a nose-thumbing to the concept of pacing. Tack on a throwaway, semi-implausible ending and you feel somewhat cheated by the whole experience.

My Little Eye Saw Cube already

Passes the time.