Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

Tries to be for teenage boys what Twilight was for teenage girls. Except teenage boys looking for vampire movies will head straight to anything with an 18 rating full of tits and gore, instead of PG crap like this. It feels like it was produced by a committee of soccer moms trying to imagine what would appeal to their teenage sons, while steadfastly ignoring what teenage boys consider to be entertainment.

Why hast thou forsaken me, John C. Reilly?

To put it simply the movie is just boring. It has some decent moments and others that seem like they should be good but everything from the acting to the direction just feel uninspired. The lead, Chris Massoglia, seems devoid of any emotion what so ever with almost relentless monotone expression and emotion. It's got a impressive supporting cast but none of them are put to good use. Plus there's awkward teen dialog that's just embarrassing. This is a completely forgettable film.

I really enjoyed these books when I was in high school, but this movie was a disappointment. Really bland lead actors and everything in the movie just seems so poorly done and uninteresting. John C. Reilly is good, but that's hardly anything to give the movie credit for.

The only good lines in this film are delivered by John C. Reilly. I like how a lot of great actors signed up for this film in the hopes it'd be the next Twilight or Harry Potter. No, it's not. It's complete shit. There will never be a sequel, and if there is, I'd shit on it.

Well, at least it was better than Twilight.

A simple movie, with a simple plot and very simple humor. There's simply not much to say about this one. The CGI seem very out of place and the fights are not convincing at all. I guess you shouldn't expect much from a movie that brings you genial philosophic insights like: "Being human is not about what you are, it's about who you are." Yeah, I laughed - hard. In the end they really try to force the idea of a sequel into the viewer. An idea that I can live without, to be honest.

I read this book in middle school and remember enjoying it, so I thought I'd give this movie a shot. John C. Reilly seems off for this role, but he tends to make a movie more enjoyable no matter what. Overall, this movie is not for me as a grown-ass man. I think instead it's targeted specifically toward children who think they're too old for children's movies.

My SCORING: 99-96=Great; 95-90=Very good; 89-85=Good; 84-80=So-so; 79-70=Boring; Below 70=Forget it.

Strange.

my friend put this on at 2am with cinema audio description turned on. it's kinda necessary with the monotone lead, plot, jokes, etc.

This movie is far from perfect but it is a pleasant surprise. John C. Reilly is great as always in his role and the rest of the cast also seem to be having a good time. Not every scene works in the film but there are a number of funny moments. Overall I would recommend this film.

It’s all-too apparent that this movie exists solely to set up yet another soulless franchise based on a popular teen book series, and its failure to do so is thus completely deserved. The script has no substance and the filmmaking is lackadaisical in near every department, with an excellent adult cast wasted on appallingly written characters alongside teen actors who are painful to watch. Only John C. Reilly comes out of this monstrosity with his integrity intact.

not so good

eng; [Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant]; in einer freakshow treffen zwei jungs auf einen mann der sich als ein vampir offenbart - nach einer serie von unerwarteten ereignissen folgt einer der zwei dem zirkus.;

Would it have been so hard to read 12 short little books before they made this? Really?

pretty ambitious of the filmmakers here to think that this would ever get a sequel. one of those "good for a boring sunday afternoon" flicks that you'll forget you even saw two weeks later

A bit of a disappointment after reading the books. Lacks punch, could have been better. Still watchable but not recommended.

This is amateur all the way. Amateur writing, acting and film making. It was not particularly engaged or terribly interested throughout, despite the great cast of characters. The story just did not jell. This could have, or should have, been a better movie, but somehow it wasn't. I fought at staying awake to watch this. I really wanted to like it, but it fails in so many ways. Great music, but the execution is lack luster at best.

I liked it and I'm mad they aren't making any more.

The director was not that skillful, but there was an edge in the story.

Just about everything that could have gone wrong did. There are interesting moments and characters, but the film doesn't bother with them. Instead, it overlooks them in favor of a story that we've seen before that it doesn't even want to end. It has bad lead actors, laughable CGI, one of the worst endings I can remember seeing, and is almost 30 minutes too long. It can't even decide if it wants to be funny or scary, eventually failing at both. I can't recommend avoiding this film enough.

Fun, light hearted and slightly goofy, this would've made a fun series.

55.000

As a fan of the books, I can easily say that this was downright insulting. Where the books were aimed more at the more adult teens, this seemed to be aimed at pre-teens and/or Twilight fans. All the dark elements are replaced with attempts at humor and general whimsy and I fucking hate it. Whoever thought it'd be a good idea to cram three books into one film is a moron. The cast are decent (the adult cast that is) at least and it's still better than Twilight.

In the bizarre world of "Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant," there's a war brewing over, how to put this simply, "portion" control. It seems the truce between those who sip, leaving humans a little weaker but none the wiser, and those who guzzle, gluttons who leave death, destruction and no tip behind, has been on hold for a couple hundred years. But those peaceful days are about to end in Paul Weitz's stab at vampire camp in "Cirque du Freak," a not quite deadly adaptation of the frot

Could be a good "children movie", but didn't make it. Characters lack depth, story lacks believable tension and actions scenes are poorly done.

It's some sort of horrible kid oriented yawn-fest, I couldn't tell if this movie was trying to ride the Twilight gravy train, but if it was it almost trumps the horrible plot of Twilight--and that's impressive.

The Vampire's Assistant assisted me right into a nap. It was not a terribly made film, it just seems like they forgot to have things uh...happen or something.

Passes the time.

"It's hard to escape the feeling that this is one film that already has its eye on the next chapter." - Andrew Schenker

While the Lost Boys answered the question of what would happen if a dirt bike riding badass became a vampire, The Vampires Assistant asks the even more important question: what if a whining crybaby weakling became a vampire? And the results are barely worth noticing. Probably the least threatening portrayal of vampires yet in a story just a few wands short of being a crappy Harry Potter knock off.

Riding the coattails of Twilight through this vampire craze, Vampire's Assistant fails to deliver anything original or worthwhile. I wish somebody would stick a steak right through the heart of this genre.

I was expecting to hate it, was trying to give it a chance, ended up not caring about it. A completely commercial teen movie, an attempt by producers to cash in on the recent vampire hype. It is strange to see interesting actors to do completely uninteresting characters. If you have 13 yrs old son who's into vampires, show him this film. There's a fat chance he will enjoy it.

some great actors, plenty of cameos, clean production, and excellent special effects, but the story and less than one dimensional characters make the film flop.

Some good names, but never thought it was possible to miscast nearly every actor. Totally dumb and worthless. I only liked Watanebe and Mr. Tiny's performances. Wtf is a Vampaneze, how can such a name be cool if it phonetically resembles a chimpanzee?

Something different finally.

Some sort of creepy fairytale about vamps and all sorts of freaks, nicely made. Hope they make part 2, because books were great :)

Competition for Twilight, assimilated vampires who protect the status quo by reducing their blood intake to moderate sips, precisely the cultural subgroup to embrace the misfit teen. (There are also bad, gluttonous vampires known as Vampaneze: "Vampires suck. Vampaneze rule.") Competition, sure, but weak competition, self-consciously jokey, storybooky, winky.

The two lead boys are pretty boring as they go about their homoerotic relationship and becoming the undead. Thankfully everyone else in the movie is more interesting. The rest is quirky and fairly light.