Blutgletscher

Much like the awesome German words "kummerspeck" (grief bacon), "Liebfraumilch" (beloved lady milk), and "Handschuhschneeballwerfer" (me on Criticker), Blutgletscher is more than just its literal translation (shitty Netflix exclusive). It explains the heretofore unexplainable concept of how sometimes people are compelled to take awesome movies from the 80s and turn them into piles of breast warts simply because they had nothing better to do on a Sunday. The blood on the glacier is from my eyes.

What if Zee Germans made "The Thing" but without any skill? It's plodding, methodical and yet boring. Madame Secretary being a badass is the only thing in this film's favor.

Unfortunately I had to watch this film with an English Dub. Man how I wish I'd seen this in the original language. This is a classic b movie creature feature that is a lot of fun.

This is pretty terrible, but it has a couple (unintentionally?) funny scenes plus I have a soft spot for hopeless drunks like the main character.

Bad. The only saving grace is the occasionally interesting looking monster. The acting is terrible, the writing is terrible, the camera work is unimaginative and honestly you probably shouldn't watch this movie.

When you so obviously borrow and steal from The Thing you are loosing from the very beginning. The thumbs up go to the setting and the choice of using animatronics in 2013 - the thumbs down goes to the horrible characters since they have absolutely no development. And where did that running girl come from? Now, where can I get myself a fox-beetle or a mosquito-goat?