Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time

All points go towards the pity I felt for the cast of this. Except Kari Wuhrer, fuck that shit.

"The City on the Edge of Forever" of shitty ‘90's films. One of the best things about living in Downtown LA is seeing your piss-smell alleyway Street in a movie and saying, Hey, that's MY piss-smell alleyway Street - as the portal to the Beastmaster dimension - and I'm sure as I pass by it tomorrow on my way I'll smile and say, "rock and roll" to myself as the neighborhood marsupials follow me to get my morning coffee.

Haha such crap I forgot it even existed. The only really cool thing about the first Beastmaster was the fantasy setting, so of course the sequel relocates the sword swinging barbarism to...modern day LA? WTF? I place the blame squarely on the shoulders of Crocodile Dundee.

Nearly a decade later, and the "Beastmaster" returns with this goofy, self-aware camp, "so-bad-it's-good", fantasy/adventure B-movie. Despite being booted from the project before production began, the film maintains a Jim Wynorski a tongue-in-cheek flavor, similar to his "sword & sorcery" "Deathstalker II"(1987) sequel, but dumber.

The only good thing about this was the ferret. What loyal and clever creatures this film made them out to be. It really made me want to get one as a kid. I begged and begged my mom to buy me one, always saying, "but the Beastmaster guy has one and it's really clean and intelligent!" She never got me one. Probably better she didn't. Anyway, yeah, shitty movie.

How the mighty have fallen. After an excellent, even if unoriginal, first movie we get a fantasy comedy set in the city of... Los Angeles. Heroes and villains come to the city to scare the hell out of everyday citizens and search for a magical relic that shoots lasers... at least it still uses the theme of good against evil; love against hate, but I wish they remained in a proper fantasy world. Beastmaster 2 wasn't supposed to be a comedy. Not really recommended even for fans of the first movie.

Wonderfully terrible.

Adequate fantasy sequel. No surprises, but engaging, harmless comic book fun.

This long-in-the-waiting sequel isn't nearly as good as the first one but still provides minor action and laughs. Amusing and/or exciting in fits and starts, this ignores much of what made the original so much fun and instead spends too much of its time routinely ripping off flicks like _Mad Max_ and _The Terminator_.

Obviously Marc Singer was being offered little work at the time. Heard his name since?

stupid

This movie sucks even worse than the first one, but it's difficult to hate because it's so juvenile and sweet-spirited. It'd be like thrashing an elementary school pageant

why did this happen?