Assault Girls

This movie can be summarized as follows: an 8 minute dump of completely pointless info, a brief introduction to 4 main characters, a short battle sequence ending in defeat, 45 minutes of slow motion moping in the desert until the 4 decide to team up, and another short battle sequence which ends in victory. There is zero character/story arc and the plot outline could've been written on a postage stamp. The battles are cool and the costumes and CGI are great, but the down time is deadly dull.

the longest 70 minute movie you will ever watch. it is, at the very least, pretty to look at.

Top badass moment? Discovering that it's impossible to defeat the Desert 22 Flag solo. If only I'd learnt that earlier in life. Luckily it’s also got hot girls with guns and magic, giant monsters, some terrible EngRish - and it’s Japanese so it bonkers. One character dances around like she's Björk's biggest fan, 5 snails get on-screen credits and the whole thing looks like it took place in that almost black & white quarry Blake’s 7 always ended up in. No cats, chainsaws or decapitations.

Definition of "boring".

Assault Girls is an unfortunate waste of premise and talent. You can tell that the director wanted to do something unique, but it becomes a mess of what should have been a great project. It comes to an abrupt, unfinished, conclusion, it has no depth or development when it comes to the characters, it spends too much time endlessly staring at the scenery and it's surprisingly dull. It does look great, but for the most part there isn't much to it and there's even less reason to watch.

I knew this movie was going to bad when there was a 5 minute philosophical exposition before the movie actually began. Long shots of people walking and of the environment caused me to fast forward multiple times to reach the sparse dialogue in rough English. The Japanese actors themselves spoke in English - it was not dubbed - which was somewhat novel, but I would have preferred native Japanese with subtitles. Beautiful actresses, nice costumes, and decent special effects were the positives.

The entire thing is apparently some kind of otaku parody injoke. The 8 min intro is a reference to Metal Gear Solid's interminable, unskippable intro sequences. Lucifer's entrance is a reference to Ghost in the Shell.

Opens with a ten minute explanatory monologue that did nothing to enlighten me as to what the movie is about other than there's a virtual world. The film looks alright, with good integration of CGI.