American Warships

Watched this while super stoned. Things I couldn't stop wondering about: "Why is Van Peebles acting as if he's a thespian? Did he help finance it to get more screentime than Weathers? Why are there only two sets being used the whole time? Are these constant female ass-shots supposed to turn me on? Why does the alien warship look no better than that in the Eiffel 65 'Blue' music video?" Then I realized I was simply thinking too hard on an Asylum flick. Awesomely terrible.

Marginally better than Battleship, if only because it's an Asylum film and expectations are low. Like all Asylum films, common sense and science are thrown overboard within the first 10 minutes, and cheap CGI is reused ad infinitum. But it's still fun to see Z-list actors giving earnest performances based on a script that was written on the back of a napkin. And someone paraphrases "you sunk my battleship!", which instantly scores it more than the official adaptation.

Unrealistic military personnel. Personal pet peeve of foreigners (Korean pilots) speaking broken English when talking to their own people which required subtitles?

Incredibly cheesy special effects, lame animations and uninspired acting make this movie really hard to watch. Mario Van Peebles was either all smiles or frowns and entirely unconvincing. Johanna Watts was the best thing, only because she's gorgeous. The 3 star general on board was particularly lame. The premise was OK, but everything else about this movie was inadequate or poorly done.

I knew going in it would be a b-movie, and I wasn't dissappointed. Still, it was a higher quality movie than I expected. I guess they filmed on a real battleship, and it had cool real life locations. It was just a entertaining way to spend 90 minutes. To be fair, I'm a huge fan of stuff like naval history and naval ship movies, so people who don't care about stuff like that might not enjoy watching a battleship hunt down invisible alien boats, but I liked it well enough.

I can't hate The Asylum. Terrible script, bad actors, terrible CGI and honest attempts to pull off scenes that competent directors and crew would struggle with that inevitably don't work. The plot is shaky and the characters are one dimensional and flat. Any other production company and I would be tearing this to pieces but once again, there is just something about these guys that means I can overlook all that and enjoy it in the same way you look at old 50s B-Movies and just feel fondness

Great adventure.